Don't rush your life if you're not ready.

Well, Hi guys. I just got out of a server call on discord and I want to share the interaction I had with you all because I think a lot more people can relate to this young girl than she thought. I just spoke to a girl who said she doesn't know what she wants to do. She said, " I'm twenty-two years' old, still live with my momma, have a small job but still don't drive or have any friends." She shared with me that she felt behind in life, and like she wasn't as successful as she wants or should be. 

I think I should be honest here to all of you, I don't even know who I am or want to be yet. I’m only nineteen. Most people in their thirty's don’t even know what they want for themselves, and that is okay. it’s okay to not have it all figured out as long as you want to figure it out. You should set goals for yourself and have a general idea of what you want your life to look like. I lie to people lot on how I want to turn out. I tell people a lot of what they want to hear, and I want to stop doing that. I’ve told many people I want to get a bunch of degrees and go to Switzerland. I’ve told many people i want to be a veterinarian. I’ve told people i’d be okay as a FBI agent. All the things I’ve told people to make them somewhat happy with me for the little bit of time they're in my life. I do not want to lie. I want to be me. 

Have you ever lied to conform and fit in? Have you ever told a small itty-bitty lie and realized it made someone love you, but it’s not you? I have. And in the end, it hurt both of us. Now that I’m older, I just want to be myself and hope that someone can love me for that. I shouldn't have to do anything that other people want for my life. I am a good person, and i think having a good heart is more important than what degree i have. What if I had a degree in human services but i was a terrible, unfaithful person? Would that be okay to you? I hate when people expect something out of you that you’ve told them you don't want or can't do. It’s just, why does everyone think we have to abide by what they want? I would love to stay home and cook and clean and take care of children. I am young, but it's okay that I see that for myself. I know I need to work soon, but I am scared. I don't want to feel like all I'm doing is living for things I don't really need or that don’t benefit me in any way. I don't want to spend the rest of my life in a rat race, chasing money and be cruel. I don’t want to be some rich person who thinks since I have all the luxuries other people don’t that, I’m more than them. I’m human. I’d be okay living in a small house with a loving, happy family.

I don’t care if how i want to live my life makes people feel hatred or strong emotions that i may not like.  I know at the end of the day, how someone views me truly only affects them. I mean, I know I am a good person, or I like to view myself as one. So, if someone sits in their room worrying everyday how to make me sad, the only person they are affecting is themselves at that moment. That is why you should always just be nice. To stay so angry and bitter for no reason is a disease and I feel horrible for anybody who has that mindset. Hating is only for yourself, and forgiving is only for yourself. Everyone who did bad to me, whether i forgave them or forgive them soon, it does not do anything for them. forgiving is healing. understanding it wasn't your fault, and life is more than being sad and angry at someone, of course what they did was wrong to me. but life happens. you can't control it, and nobody can be perfect in an evil world. 

I want to forgive all the people who hurt me, and overtime, i will. I have forgiven some people, because i wanted to heal that part as fast as i could. Some parts are hard to heal, so i have a harder time accepting what happened and forgiving those people but i have done a good job at expressing how hurt i am by some of their actions. Writing and singing has been the one thing to help me throughout my life to get one step closer to healing. When I sing and write songs, it heals me because I can express whatever I’m feeling without others knowing or judging me. For example, if I were to tell someone, “Yeah, I want to rob a bank and eat twenty bacon burgers,” they might think I need to be admitted to a psych ward. But if I write a song with lyrics like, “Wanna rob a bank, eat some food, lose my mind,” no one thinks I’m crazy—they’re more likely to say, “This song is fire.” Essentially, I can express my emotions freely through my own music without the fear of being labeled.

For instance, you may think you know someone well, like a local drug dealer, but in reality, they might spend their nights listening to jazz and ‘80s country music. That’s who they are when no one’s watching. When you’re alone in your room, without any influences, that’s when your true self comes out. Yes, we may listen to music that our friends enjoy when we’re around them, but what do we listen to when we’re by ourselves? When you’re alone, trying to calm your mind, do you still listen to what everyone else likes, or do you finally let yourself embrace that old Taylor Swift song you’ve loved since you were three?

Perhaps people pretend to be someone else due to past trauma. However, my trauma didn’t make me a fake person. Instead, it showed me the importance of not wanting to cause harm or sadness to anyone else. It taught me empathy and understanding, not the need to wear a mask or hide behind a facade. I think it's important we all have a general idea how we want our life to be. You don't have to take really big steps in order to achieve them soon as you turn 18, it's okay to settle down and think your life out. I just hope that you all can achieve what you wish and be safe doing it. I wanted to share all of this because the girl i spoke to seemed so desperate to rush her life, have kids and start working a bigger job than her mental can handle right now. I assured her that life is more than pleasing everyone, being someone you're not. I hope this message reaches the right people. Have a good day, talk soon.